how do you be grateful to someone you cannot see?... how do you give thanks for the happiness you received without really asking?... i want to know how. i need to give back.
have you ever got help when you least expected it and didn't even know when that happened. someone just has that crocin in the train when your head is going to rip apart. or you get a lift when you're really late for that meeting with your schizophrenic boss. you're so happy for the timely help but sometimes don't get the chance to say thank you. i call these help machines- angels. they're sent by my bEST friend exactly when im going to go down the drain.
i had a recent incident when i was in a small l'il massive mess and was just going on without much help. i knew i needed the help but the talkative girl that i am...i wouldn't say to anyone. but how long will your bEST buddy just watch you die slowly from within? mine didn't wait for long, timely help was on its way. i had one of the bestestest conversations with this total stranger! i don't know how i managed to talk so much. it's not like me to open up this easy. but you obviously know that your bEST friend knows you better than you know yourself. so they truly do have the perfect remedy for all of your ailments.
my conversation made my come to face with all that i wasn't seeing earlier( yes, i know, how cliche!...but life sucks!) so...anyways... the conversation ranged to a myriad weird things and it spanned a myriad other non- weird things. i need to tell you that i haven't been this free in my mind before. there was this distinct moment in all of this conversation that i felt a huge load off of my chest (i kno im back on the cliches! but what the **ck!). i was so happy!
such a small word, used in so many varied contexts but thats how i felt, and a million other things and not being able to contain it in any other word but happy. i felt relieved, confident, new, excited, alive and yeah very beautiful. but i think 'happy' with my eyes twinkling just sums it all. you know what im saying don't ya?
there was this pang inside coz i haven't thanked my angel. not that i didn't give it a chance, i wasn't given one. i don't know why. i think i deserve that chance, i'm not ungrateful! it's been on my mind ever since, of how to say my thank you. okay. think of this...suppose you were hanging from this cliff on the branch of a dried out shrub and were screaming for help (i kno, i kno, melodrama and filmy! but again **ck!) and then outta the blue this hero comes and saves you. all you can tell him is thank you. but that thank you will have so much more attached to it. its that kinda thank you that i want to tell my angel. do you get an idea of how important it is for me to thank my angel?
it feels very restless from within. i had my chance but couldn't do much about it. for reasons best known to me (the talkative me doesn't talk very much. remember!). i take this chance to thank my angel. i need to tell you that i owe you. i owe you big time. if ever you think that you need something or someone, don't ever think twice before asking it of me.
